Only the good
by ladybug48
Summary: Shortly after thier parents death, the brothers learn to live on together.


Chapter 1

Crane pulled the barn door shut and stood, watching the driveway where Adam had walked Mrs. Miller out to her car. Adam pulled his battered cowboy hat off and beat it against his thigh sending up a puff of dust, then ran a hand across his face. They were too far away for Crane to hear what they were saying but his big brother's body language was enough for him to know Adam was angry and trying hard to control it.

The past four months since their parents had died had been hard on everyone but especially so for Adam. Mom and Dad had been killed in a car accident just a few weeks before Adam was leaving to start college. He had put it all on hold, maybe permanently, to take care of his younger brothers. It had taken time and a lot of red tape for the courts to agree to let Adam be the guardian for Brian and Crane. Then weeks longer for Daniel, Evan and Ford. Little Guthrie, now going on three had only been back with them a month.

Two weeks ago, Adam and Brian had decided that they needed to take up a trip up to the Tops, the high country where their cattle grazed. No one had been up there since the accident. There was no way both Adam and Brian could both go, so after long consideration, it was agreed that Adam would go and take Crane. Brian would stay behind and take care of the boys. A couple of neighbors offered to help as well. Adam had set up with some of the families close by and those in town, help for the boys and Brian while he was gone. Mary Miller, the closest neighbor, was a lifesaver to Adam, organizing the whole thing. She would be watching Guthrie during the day as her own little boy was just a couple of months younger.

Crane and Adam had just gotten back, the other neighbors breaking off at the meadow to head back to their own homes. The trip had not gone well, there were 12 cows not accounted for and Crane knew they couldn't afford even one missing. As they rode up, Brian and Mary were arguing on the front porch. Daniel, Evan and Ford were hanging off the porch railing. Mary was holding Guthrie but when she saw Adam, she handed him to Brian and walked out to meet Adam. Adam dismounted and handed his reins to Crane, walking away with Mary. Daniel had run out to help Crane unsaddle the horses and took their saddlebags up to the house. Daniel hadn't spoken a word but had shot Crane a worried look.

Crane glanced back over to Brian. The glare had disappeared from his face and was replaced by something else as Adam shook Mary's hand and held her car door open. As she pulled away, Adam strode with purpose back to the house. Crane had to trot to keep up with his long legs. Brian disappeared inside as Adam reached the steps. "Hey!" he yelled out, slamming the screen door open so hard it banged on the siding. Crane followed him into the house with Daniel, Ford and Evan behind him. Brian set Guthrie in his playpen and turned to face Adam. He had a stubborn look on his face.

"Are you a fucking idiot?", Adam spat out getting right up into Brian's face. Crane couldn't believe it. Although Adam and Brian had had their differences before, since the accident Adam had remained cool and level headed. Brian was notoriously hot tempered and he jumped right back at Adam yelling "Back off, Junior!"

Ford started crying softly and Evan wrapped an arm around him and pulled him down onto the couch.

Adam glanced over at him and stepped back. "Can I talk to you in the kitchen?" he said to Brian, biting off each word in an attempt to hold in his temper.

Brian stalked past him into the kitchen, Adam right behind him. Crane started to follow but froze upon hearing Adam's curt "stay here...all of you"!

As soon as he walked through the door you could hear their raised voices. Daniel gave a big sigh and flopped into a chair. The 8 year old's brown hair was hanging shaggy in his eyes and he looked worried. He had been so upset after the accident. They were all upset but Danny took it especially hard and had nightmares for weeks. He would cry at the slightest thing or fly into a rage for no reason. There was no telling how he would react. Crane was close to Danny and had been worried about how he would act in Crane's absence. Sometimes it seemed like he was the only one who could get through to his kid brother. "What's going on", Crane asked? Ford was still crying and Evan was still trying to shush him. "We are in so much trouble" Daniel said solemnly.

Chapter 2

Adam threw his hat down on the kitchen table, a table littered with dirty dishes, and fixed Brian with a stare. The sixteen year old glared right back at him and jutted his chin out. "She said you all ran them off" Adam accused, "all of those people that were here to help us". Brian jerked a chair out and slumped his lanky frame into it. "They weren't here to help", he yelled back. "you weren't here, you don't' know". He tossed his head back and laid his hands on the table. "Junior, all they wanted to do was take Mom and Dad's place".

Adam pulled a chair out and sat down as well but he was still fuming. "Brian, no one wants to take Mom and Dad's place. They couldn't even try. Those folks were here to help. They know how hard it is and they want to do what they can. These people were Mom and Dad's friends".  
"That's what you think", Brain tossed back, sitting forward to look Adam in the eye. "Did you know Mrs. Hodges spent the whole last week telling the boys over and over how sad it was that they are little orphans now. She must have told me half a dozen times that she would be willing to help out with Guthrie, just take him home so there was one less mouth to feed. And the Taylors said they would take Ford back anytime, day or night. Nobody wants to help us stay together. These people would have us split up and thrown to the wind, Junior". Brian sat back then and ducked his head, "or at least they did" he grinned.

Adam narrowed his eyes. "Mrs. Miller said you guys played some pretty mean tricks on the ladies that came to help. She said that Evan put a snake in the laundry basket and that Daniel put red paint on the bathroom floor and the poor woman thought someone was bleeding. She said Ford even hid one day and she almost called the Sheriff out before they found him in the hay loft. She told me you were nasty to everyone, cursing at them and acting like a slob. That's not the way we were raised Brian, what do you think Dad would have thought of the way you guys have behaved this past week?"

The grin drained away from his face and Brian looked sideways at Adam. "That's not fair" he mumbled, "I am telling you man, you weren't here. You would have done the same thing".

Adam jumped to his feet and started pacing. "No I wouldn't", he said, "I fought like hell to get you guys back home. And now, because some well-meaning neighbors are cramping your style, I might lose you guys all over again".

Brian stared at incredulously. "What are you talking about" he asked in barely more than a whisper, "The Judge granted you guardianship. Of all of us. I was there".

Adam spun and looked him in the eye, "Conditional guardianship, genius. That means as long as everyone stays healthy and safe and the state agrees it is an appropriate environment for kids. That means you too". Adam waved his hand at the stacks of dishes. "it certainly does not mean THIS. That is why all of those ladies were helping. We need help Brian. I don't know how to do this alone". He collapsed in a chair and choked back a sob. The lack of sleep and worry over the past week was catching up with him. The fear he had for the past four months, the one that woke him up in the middle of the night was here now. That they would take them all away. He had worked so hard…

"I didn't think…" Brian started but Adam cut him off.

"No shit, when do you ever think?" Adam growled. He knew he wasn't being fair. Brian had been in this thing with him from the very beginning. He had been so calm and mature that first night so that CPS let him stay with Adam. And after they had all left, taking the other kids with them, Brian and Adam had broken down, crying on each other and promised each other they would do whatever it took to get them all back together again.

Now Brian jumped to his feet. "That's not true", he protested. " I had it under control most of the time. Even without those women I had it under control. I cooked and did laundry and made sure the boys got to bed. Somewhere along the line the boys started acting out, playing pranks. I guess I should have put a stop to it. I know I should have. But I didn't know how to. Daniel and Evan were like little terrors without you here. I had enough of a time trying to get everyone fed and put to bed. Ford is still having nightmares…or what is it they called it? Night terrors? Daniel too! I had to tell them four or five times to do anything. I don't know how you do it, man. They just didn't want to listen to me. I would put Daniel in time out and before I could turn my back he was out the front door. Evan was running wild, yelling all the time, climbing on the bannister and getting into everything. I couldn't believe it when Ford disappeared. Mary and I tore the house up and I wanted to call the Sheriff but she wanted to wait. And turns out all three of them were in on it. I could've wrung their necks. Guthrie is a toddler and he was an angel compared with the other three." Brian paused and a look of understanding crossed his face. "That is why she didn't want to call the Sheriff", he said, "she knew they would take them away".

Adam nodded, sitting back down. "Mary told me she was sure they boys had planned it, that Daniel had been giggling all day and he wouldn't have done that if Ford was really lost. She said she tried to explain it to you but you snapped at her that she didn't know anything and didn't care".

Brian hung his head, knowing it was the truth. "Junior, I am so sorry. I didn't know about the conditional thing".

Adam put his hand on the back of Brian's neck. I know buddy", he said softly. "I should have explained it but I didn't want to scare you guys. Mary thinks we are gonna be okay. She's talked to a lot of the other ladies. They are not going say anything. But they do have the boys best interest at heart. If they think we can't handle them, they will make sure they are with someone who can. We have to get the boys under control. And get the house cleaned up…and don't call me Junior".

Chapter 3

Daniel jumped out of the shower and toweled his hair dry. Brian had heated up chicken and dumplings for dinner from a batch Mrs. Miller had showed him how to make earlier in the week. Everybody had been quiet at dinner. Adam and Brian talked quietly about the missing cattle. Guthrie and Crane both seemed sleepy. Evan and Ford kept glancing at him, looking for clues to what was going on. Daniel was a little concerned. He knew Adam was mad but he wasn't yelling. So far he hadn't said a word about the jokes they had played. Daniel couldn't really tell you why he did it. All he knew was it made the people go away. The less they were here, the more it was like before. The place that Daniel had stayed, before he came back home to live, they didn't care what you did. A kid there told Daniel that Mrs. Porter got paid to take care of the kids. And as long as you didn't break her stuff or hurt anyone she didn't care. You could curse or yell, you didn't have to brush your teeth or do your homework and she never said a word. Daniel was beginning to wonder if this was what it was like being an orphan. If you didn't have parents, there was no one to tell you to do that stuff so you didn't have to. He missed his Mom and Dad so much. He guessed he just wasn't important enough for people to make him do those things anymore. He knew his Mom and Dad were gone forever. But some small part of him wanted to believe that if he did these things, they would have to come back, right? To make him not do it anymore?

"Daniel, come on down and have a seat. We're having a family meeting", Adam said. He didn't like them to call him Junior anymore. Like Daniel didn't want anyone to call him Danny any more. His mom was the only one who really called him Danny and she was gone. Evan and Ford were already sitting there. Ford was looking around with his big blue eyes like he knew something was up. Evan was just glancing nervously between Adam who was pacing in front of the fireplace and Brian who was sitting on the floor with Guthrie in his lap playing with a little wooden car. Crane was in the big chair. Daniel shot him a questioning look but he shrugged.

"Alright guys", Adam said, "we're going to set some ground rules. Get your homework done as soon as you get home from school, then chores. 9 o'clock bedtime for all of you and everybody is up at 5, got it? Before bed, Brian, Daniel and Ford take showers. In the morning, Crane and Ford. That way we don't run out of hot water. At a quarter to nine, I want everybody laying out clothes for the next day, getting your backpacks together and brushing your teeth". He paused then and looked at them, then glanced over at Brian. "We are going to change the sleeping arrangements too. Daniel, you are bunking with Crane. Evan and Ford will share the middle room. Brian and I will take the first room and keep Guthrie's little bed there too. Don't worry about your clothes and toys, we will get them moved". He looked away then. "Any questions", he asked softly? The first room? Daniel thought. Was he talking about Daddy and Mama's room. "No!", Daniel yelled, jumping to his feet. "you can't take Mama and Daddy's room. You stay out of there". Guthrie started to struggle in Brian's lap and called out "Dan'l, don't cry". Daniel didn't even realize he was until Guthrie said that. "Shut up, you're just a baby", He yelled back. Crane came over to wrap his arms around Daniel but Daniel shoved him away. "Hold it" Adam barked, crossing the room on his long legs. Crane had stumbled but not fallen and he retreated back to his chair with a hurt look. Guthrie started to cry, still trying to get out of Brian's arms. Daniel took a step back, worried at Adam's angry face. But Adam's face softened and put his arm on Daniel's shoulder.

"Buddy, I know this is hard". He said, keeping his voice low and soothing the way Brian would speak to a spooked horse. "Mama and Daddy are gone and we all feel so sad about that. I know it's hard to think about change but it needs to be done. You guys are getting bigger and need your own space. And I am sure Brian is sick of sleeping on the rollaway. I know I am!"

Daniel glanced away to where Brian had given up on corralling Guthrie. He felt his eyes fill up with tears and angrily tried to blink them away. "Okay" he said softly. Adam pulled him in for a hug and then held him back at arm's length and frowned. "It's not okay for you to shove Crane though" he scolded. Turning Daniel loose he walked back to the fireplace and set his foot up on the hearth. "We need to talk about what happened last week", he said letting his gaze settle on Evan, then Ford and back to Daniel. Fords eyes pooled up. He knew what he had done was wrong but it was so hard to say no to both Evan and Daniel. Daniel twisted his lips and looked up at Adam from the tops of his eyes. He figured this was coming. For his part Evan looked defiant. "Ya'll weren't raised this way", Adam said. "Those folks were just trying to help". The room erupted then with Daniel and Evan protesting, Ford bursting out in tears and Brian scrambling to get Guthrie from where he was trying to climb up Adam's leg. "Simmer down" Adam snapped. He reached down and picked up Guthrie, holding him against his hip. Evan slouched back, arms across his chest. Ford sniffled and drew his sleeve across his eyes. Daniel just watched. " We are starting over fresh today" Adam announced, "that means I expect you yahoos to treat our friends with respect. No more jokes, no more sass and no more hiding". He kissed the top of Guthrie's head and handed him back to Brian. "I mean it you guys", Adam said sternly, "I expect you all to behave. And just so you know, if you don't want to play by the rules, I will put you over my knee. Brian too". He paused then. Daniel and Evan shot a look at each other. It was nothing new. Adam, and even Brian, had been babysitting them for years and had that authority. "You mean you would spank Brian?" Evan asked his eyebrows disappearing under his red-blonde curls? Brian muffled a laugh that sounded suspiciously like "yeah right". Adam shot a look at him and replied "No, I mean Brian has the authority to punish you too". Evan let out a huff and frowned, "so I have to listen to BOTH of you" he said, clearly not liking the idea of listening to even one of his big brothers. But you could see now that the boys were starting to understand that Adam, as well as Brian, were more than a big brother now.

Chapter 4

Brian figured somebody was going to call big brother on it at some time. He had his money on either Evan or Daniel and he told Adam so. Adam agreed. But a couple of weeks went by with no more that the average drama. Adam yelled and Adam threatened but once he did, the boy in question straightened up. Brian didn't consider he would be the one to get called out and in his wildest dreams he didn't think it would be quiet little Ford who would do it.

They figured out pretty quick that they were going to have to keep the boy's activity schedules. Without baseball for Daniel and Evan, the pair just had way too much energy and were prone to trouble. Breaking them up had been a good idea. They both has a much calmer roommate who didn't feed off them. Adam was on his way back from baseball with Daniel. He had taken Crane because after a couple of days, it was almost impossible to separate them and Crane was just so good with Danny that the older brothers were beginning to lean on him more and more. He pulled up to the house and switched off the truck. In the dim light from the window, he could see Brian sitting on the porch swing. They all piled out and as they walked up to the house, he could see Brian hurriedly hide something behind his leg. "Shower and then bed, guys", Adam said, holding the door for his sleepy brothers. He turned back to Brian. "You hiding that from me?" he asked. Brian smirked and took a deep draw on the beer he had been hiding. "Hell, no!", he said, pulling another from his coat pocket and tossing it to Adam. Adam popped the top and took a sip. This is one of the things his parents would probably not approve of, he knew. Most evenings, he and Brian ended the day with a single beer on the porch after the boys had gone to bed. Adam, being eighteen, was old enough to buy beer but Brian was underage. When they could, he tried to pick it up in Angels Camp or Sonora instead of Murphys where everyone knew them and their story. Sometimes, they took a walk down to 'check the stock' which was code for going out to the barn to argue about something they did not want to hash out in from of the boys. Profanity usually flew wild and sometimes fists too. But tonight Brian seemed far from relaxed although Adam had the sneaking suspicion that the beer Brian was downing was not his first of the night. "Rough night" Adam asked, shoving Brian over to flop into the swing beside him. Brian rolled his eyes and belched. "You have no idea", he answered wryly.

Since Adam had taken Crane and Daniel with him, Brian had just made up some chili dogs and chips for dinner. He was washing up and Evan was drying when he heard Guthrie cry out "No!". He handed Evan another plate and walked into the door separating the dining room and living room. Guthrie was standing next to the coffee table tugging on a toy that Ford had the other end of. "Mine", Guthrie yelled. "I hadda it first".

"Ford" Brian said tiredly, "let him have it if he had it first. There's plenty of other toys for you to play with". They had a rule in their house that toys did not belong to just one child, they were all shared regardless of who had gotten it for their birthday or Christmas. There was no practical way to track what belonged to who. Ford swung his gaze over to Brain and let go so suddenly that Guthrie nearly tumbled backwards. Brian opened his mouth to call him on it and decided it just wasn't worth it. He was tired and there was still a sink full of dishes beside three loads of laundry. He had turned to go back into the kitchen when he jumped at the glass that shattered right next to his ear. He stared as the Cherry Kool-aid ran down the wall and over the pieces of glass that lay on the floor near the piano. "Did you throw that?" he asked Ford. He was confused because there was no way that Ford had. It would have been easier to believe that they had a poltergeist or if somehow Evan had managed to do it from the kitchen. There was no way Ford had thrown it…except he had. Ford didn't answer. He just stared impassively at Brain with those big blue eyes under his shock of white-blonde hair that badly needed a trim. Brian stared back to the wall and then Evan who had come out of the kitchen and around him to stare. "Just what the hell do you think…" Brian started but he never got to finish. Ford, never taking his eyes off of Brian reached over and very deliberately push Guthrie down. The toddler hit the floor and set up a wail. "Holy shit" Brian swore and he grabbed Guthrie up checking his head. He was more shocked than hurt and after a minute he stopped crying. Brian eyed Ford the whole time. Ford was looking down now, running a matchbox car over the coffee table.

"Ford?" Adam asked incredulously, "are you sure?". Brian nodded, "yeah, little fellow, pale hair, big eyes. It was Ford. He purposely threw a glass at me. Nearly brained me with it".

So what did you do", Adam asked talking a long pull off his beer. Brian crushed his empty and set it on the porch near his feet. "What do you think I did", he said dryly, "I set his little tail on fire and sent him to bed".

"Wow" Adam stared off into the night. This was so unlike Ford. Ford had been a quiet baby, never ill and almost never cried. As a toddler, he had been shy, a stark contract to Evan. Evan had been rowdy from the day he had been born. He screamed his head off when teething or he had an ear-ache. As a two year old his favorite word had been "No!", usually shouted at the top of his lungs. He had developed a bad habit of biting people too and it had taken weeks to break him of it. But not Ford. He had been quiet and shy and well behaved his whole life.

Brian grabbed his two empties and helped Adam to his feet as they headed inside. "I talked to Evan, asked him what the deal was but he didn't know. He did tell me that Ford has been saying that he was really bad lately which I thought was strange. Mark my words, we haven't seen the end of this". Adam sighed, locking the front door behind him. He hoped Ford wasn't gearing up for a breakdown like Crane had. They had all dealt with their grief in different ways. Daniel was the most fragile and still would break out crying at the oddest times or lash out angrily. Crane had seemed to deal well for the first few weeks but they later learned he was bottling it all up. He had a meltdown one day at school and took off. It took Brian and him until late in the night to find him. Brian was working through his anger and threw himself into work around the ranch. Surprisingly, Evan had seemed to deal better than expected. He moved through the stages of grief like a textbook. Everyone else seemed to get stuck somewhere along the way. He and Brian had figured Ford was okay as well. But maybe he should have known better. The quiet McFadden's could be three times more trouble that the boisterous ones.

Chapter 5

The next morning was Saturday. The household kept to the same sleep schedule weekends as well as weekdays since there was chores to do. Evan sat up when Brian banged his door open and growled "up and at 'em". He rubbed the grit from his eyes and stood up, stretching and scratching his wildly tousled hair. He stepped up onto his bed to reach Ford on the top bunk and give him a shake then headed for the bathroom. When he got back, Ford was sleepily pulling on his jeans. He handed Ford a plaid shirt and asked "Why'd you do that last night? You made Brian really mad". Ford ignored him for a moment and then glanced quickly over before hanging his head. "Cause I'm bad", he said quietly. Evan finished getting dressed without a word. Last night, Brian had sent him to bed about a half hour after Ford. Before he climbed into bed, he had stepped up on the bottom bunk to get a quick look at his little brother. Ford had his eyes closed but Evan was sure he wasn't asleep. He stared until Ford opened eyes red-rimmed from crying. Evan knew Brian hadn't swatted him hard enough to still be crying so he asked Ford what was wrong. He got the same answer he had for the past few weeks. 'Nothing is wrong, I'm just bad'.

Crane was ladling out bowls of oatmeal when the two got to the table. It was neither of their favorites and Evan made a face. Crane grinned and slid the brown sugar to Evan. Guthrie was sitting on his knees, happily spooning his food in. He wasn't a picky eater, that title went to Daniel who sighed heavily and stirred his breakfast around. Evan agreed, bacon and eggs would have been better. Or even Brian's pancakes. But as the two oldest McFaddens came in the kitchen door, bringing a blast of chilly wind, they all knew better than complain and tucked into eating. Breakfast was a noisy affair with Brian and Adam discussing what needed to get done, Daniel and Crane laughing over Daniel's teams win last night and Guthrie happily singing a little nonsense song. Ford ate his food quietly although Evan noticed that Adam was watching him from time to time out of the corner of his eye. As Brian began collecting the dishes, Crane shooed everyone outside to begin chores. Even little Guthrie had a job to do, carrying the melamine bowls from the table to Brian at the sink. Evan pulled his coat on in the mudroom and handed a knit hat to Ford. Crane met them at the barn door with pans of feed for the chickens and goats. The two pens were next to each other and Evan kept a close eye on Ford who seemed to perk up a bit around his goats and even gave a smile when the baby goats bumped him. He didn't hear Adam come up behind him until he took the pan out of his hands. "I got it, Ev" Adam said kindly, "why don't you see if you can give Crane a hand". Evan headed inside where Crane put him to work brushing the smaller horses. He had to stand on a hay bale to reach but here at the end of the barn he realized he could overhear Adam talking with Ford outside.

"…wondering what is up with you buddy, that's not like you at all".

Ford mumbled back an apology.

"Hey", Adam said softly, "I'm not here to scold you. Brian told me he punished you last night and that is the end of it. But you've never acted that way before. Is something bothering you?" Evan stood still, waiting to hear if Ford would tell him but after a while Adam just said, "Alright. But if you need to talk or if something is bothering you, you can tell me anything, okay pal?" A minute later, Adam came into the barn and handed the pan to Crane. Evan went back to brushing Charger.

With a big sigh, Adam ran his hand over his face. "I wish I knew what was going on with that kid", he said.

Later that day they were all warming up in the house. Crane was in his room, reading. Evan, Ford and Daniel were playing a board game and Brian was giving Guthrie a bath. Brian had sent Ford in to move a load of laundry from the washer to the dryer when Adam came stomping in from outside. "Who left the garden gate open?", he demanded. He pulled his gloves off and thrust them in the back pocket of his jeans. Daniel looked expectantly at Evan. Evan and Ford were sent out to pick some string beans at lunch. Evan had carried the bowl in and remembered telling Ford over his shoulder to make sure he latched the gate. "Sorry, Adam", Evan said softly, "it's my fault". Adam narrowed his eyes. "Well" he said finally, " something got in there and tore up the corn. You can just get your little butt out there and clean up the mess". Evan got to his feet and headed out, giving Adam a wide berth. Daniel watched Evan and got the sneaking suspicion that he was covering for Ford. Daniel knew he had been doing that a lot lately. "I'll help", he said getting to his feet to follow. "No, you won't", Adam said grimly, "his mistake, let him deal with it". Adam headed up the stairs to wash up as Ford came back in from the laundry room. "Where's Evan" he asked. Daniel narrowed his eyes. "Did you leave the garden gate open?", he asked quietly. He got the response he expected, the same response everyone had been getting for the last week-"Yeah, I'm bad". Daniel was over it. He began tossing the pieces of the game back in the box. "Evan told them he did it. He's out cleaning it up", he said. "But it was my fault", Ford said, blue eyes filling with tears, "I gotta tell Adam". He headed for the stairs but Daniel grabbed his arm. "Don't you dare", he warned. "Evan will get in trouble for lying. You sure have gotten him in enough trouble, don't you think?".

Chapter 6

Sunday morning Ford just didn't feel like getting up. Everything was getting so messed up. He was tired of being in trouble and tired of Evan and Danny being mad at him. When Brian made a second pass by to wake him up, he warned that if Ford didn't get his ass up in the next 10 seconds, he was going to tell Adam. Evan was getting dressed and sent Ford a look but didn't say anything. After he spent almost an hour in the cold the day before replanting broken corn stalks and throwing the ones that were too damaged away, he was over taking the rap for his little brother. Ford was not the least bit surprised to hear Adam tell Brian to take the other boys out and get started on chores. He came into Ford's room and closed the door behind him, a dark look on his face. "Get down here, NOW!", he growled. Ford threw his quilt off and scrambled down as Adam turned the chair from the small desk around and sat in it. They looked at each other for a minute. Adam still looked mad but his voice softened a bit. "I need to know what is going on", he said with a sigh. Ford just stood, twisting his pajama top around in his fingers. He started to open his mouth but Adam cut him off. "And don't' tell me it's cause you're bad. I am sick of hearing that". Ford just blinked at him, not sure what to say. He wanted to tell Adam but he couldn't. Adam sat back in the chair, frustrated that Ford wouldn't talk. With Danny, there was anger and if he wouldn't talk, he would at least yell. Adam wasn't sure what to do here. Ford was usually so well behaved and then he would do these bizarre things and act like he didn't even want to do them. "Ford", he said, starting again and taking his brothers hands in his so Ford was standing right in front of him. "You have to tell me what is going on. You are not bad…" and suddenly Ford pulled away and burst into tears. "Yes, I am", he cried, "I'm bad…really bad. I have to be". He stood sobbing in the middle of the room. Adam sat stunned for a moment and then scooped Ford up into a hug. He let him cry for a moment, rubbing his back, then sat on Evan's lower bunk with Ford on his lap. After Ford had calmed down he asked softly, "Why Ford, why do you have to be bad?". Ford sniffled and buried his head against Adam. After a moment, he said so softly that Adam almost missed it, "I don't wanna die". A shiver ran down Adam's spine at his brothers admission. His mind was racing wondering where this had come from. Pulling Ford up to look at his, he said. "What do you mean, Ford? You're not going to die. What made you say that?". Ford looked down and bit his lip. He didn't want to say anything but this was so hard. "Mama and Daddy did", he said softly. "I was with Brian at the store and I heard some people talking. They were talking about how we were all alone and how sad it was that Mama and Daddy died. Then I heard Mr. Edwards say that the good die young. I don't wanna die Adam, so I have to be bad". He looked up into his brothers face, hoping Adam could understand. "Oh Ford", Adam said pulling him into a tight squeeze. They held each other for a moment and then Adam kissed the top of his head and set him on his feet. "Sweetheart, you are not going to die. That is just a saying, it's not true. Our parents didn't die because they were good. It was just an accident, Ford. People just say things because they don't know what else to say. Don't listen to stuff like that Ford. And if you hear something that you are not sure of, come talk to Brian or me". Ford sighed, feeling like a great weight was gone. For the first time in days, his stomach didn't feel all knotted up. "Adam, he said. "I didn't like being bad. I didn't like hiding in the hayloft either. I didn't want to but Daniel and Evan made me. I'm really sorry". Adam stood and took his little brother by the hand. "Well," he reasoned, "Then you shouldn't feel bad for them covering for you". The two headed downstairs together to get started on chores.

Prologue

Sunday night and all the boys were in bed. Adam and Brian were sipping beer out on the porch, watching the stars come out in the clear, dark sky. "I knew something was up", Brian said, "but who would have thought he would overhear a comment like that and believe it?". Adam took a deep breath and blew it out. "I know. Folks say stupid stuff like that all the time. Remember when that lady at church told Danny they were in a better place? We are lucky he didn't sock her one instead of just telling her off". Brian smiled at the thought of little Danny yelling himself blue in the face until Adam could grab him and drag his away. Brian knew he should have apologized to her when it happened but all he did was shoot her a dark glare as he followed Adam. Danny had gotten a lot better. But the comments well-meaning people made didn't help. And this time it had hurt Ford. "I don't know how Mom did this", he said and he knew Adam was thinking the same thing. "You never know what is going on in their little brains. And they are all so different". He shook his head. "I guess you and I were always so busy", Adam said finally. "Me getting ready for school and spending my summer with my friends and Liz, you working with Dad. I mean we were around the little guys all the time but I guess we didn't really know them the way Mom and Dad did. They always just kind of handled stuff and I don't think I ever realized it". Brian nodded and set the swing to rocking. "Seems like a lifetime ago", he said wistfully. Adam shot his brother a look. He knew what he had given up too. As far as he knew, Brian had not talked about college with their folks but Adam knew he had been thinking about maybe going for a year or two if he could get a baseball scholarship. He had always made it pretty clear he always wanted to come back to the ranch though. Brian had been developing a bit of a reputation as a ladies man the last year but he hadn't dated at all since the accident. Adam resolved to make sure Brain got out next weekend, maybe on a date or just to see his friends. Maybe Adam was stuck raising kids but he could make sure Brian had the chance to meet a girl. They were just about to head back inside when Crane stuck his head out the door with his nose wrinkled up. "Guthrie just threw up all over the place", he announced. Adam looked at Brian as his brother looked back at him. "Not it!", they both yelled at the same time.


End file.
